If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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