At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
