I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
