I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
