her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so let's talk penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
