i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
