How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
