does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
