I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
