I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
