i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
