Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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