remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
