she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
