hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm really busy with my period
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