Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
