Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
