I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
