I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
