We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I AM VODKA MAN
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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