you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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