dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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