Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
