and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
