people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
