I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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