I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
