Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
