it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
