I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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