Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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