Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
