i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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