I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
