My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
