you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
