yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
