I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
