I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
