dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
