I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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