Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
