i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
