we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
