I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Bring me that man meat
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
