I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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