Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
40s are totally the cure
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
