she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
