I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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