I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
