To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
