Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
