normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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